Have the last word

No one stops to think what their last words may be to someone they love. No one stops to think about the last words written either. I do.

The reason…

My mother Meryll, passed away due to complications from surgery at the age of 49. I was 27. My mother never got to meet my children. They will never get to know their grandmother. The last written words I have to remember her by are found in a hand written journal from her time in hospital. When she had a pipe down her throat she used this journal to communicate with visitors and nurses. Sadly, these are the last words I have from her. Not words a daughter would ordinarily choose to keep, but precious words none-the-less. The content of some of her sentences are really hard to read but just seeing her tangible hand writing makes me feel closer to her.

My brother Warren, Meryll, Me

I sit here almost 8 years later reflecting on my own little family and I am faced with the reality that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. I have so many questions for my mom and would give anything to be able to sit down with her, I would drink coffee and she would have her favourite Rooibos Honey tea, as she always did, and we would talk for hours. I would ask her not only questions about parenting, but questions about marriage, too. She died 3 months before my wedding. So many things were left unsaid. So many big issues in life I have had to figure out for myself, moments where having my mom around would have come in handy. No offence Dad, but advice on birthing, delivery, and postpartum really can only come from a mom 😉

My last spoken words to my mom were “I’ll speak to you soon” – I never did.

Below is the last entry she ever wrote in that book, what bothers me more than her last few written words, is the fact that there is more than half the book left blank; so many things left unsaid and still so many pages left open, waiting to be filled with words never written.

My plan is to leave my 3 kiddos a journal specific to each child. Of course when it comes to generic news I will most likely type something up and print out 3 copies to insert, dated, into each book. I hope that one day when they’re old and grey these books will be relevant, but if life has other plans and I have to check out early,  I’m glad I will be able to leave them a few of their mother’s words. Good words, positive ones, funny ones, inspired ones, words of love and devotions. Words of pure heart. Memories that all too quickly seem to fade.

So I encourage you, if you have ever wanted to pen something, or a collection of somethings, to your children, do it! Do it now! Online images will move down your timeline, out of site and out of mind, but classic handwritten words, are priceless.

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart” – William Wordsworth

with love,